Strange week

Having a bit of a weird week. Next week I have all my assessments due which is going to be interesting. There isn't that much to finish but it's just sitting down and starting that is the hardest. Once I open the document and start to type I can get it done so quick, but usually it takes me days to do that!

But anyway, I think the reason it has been so "weird" is that transition period. I have a job offer and just waiting for the paperwork and start date. I'm just so over my "same old, same old" life that I just want to GET ON WITH IT. I've been living with my Mum since high school while I was studying and at 24 have been at "school" for a very long time. I left high school over 7 years ago so I am so ready to start.

The strange thing is I am finishing my units because of the timing. Firstly I have group work so would feel totally guilty for dropping and running a week before assessment week. Secondly, it's like I've come so far I would like to "pass" the units and just "finish" it even though there is no point to doing so. I mean, because I'm leaving partway through the course I can't get a certificate or course. In fact I will have nothing to show for the last 2 months at all because it's something I'm not intending to go back to... so I'm asking myself.. why bother? Why get your ass kicked with this work if it means nothing.. maybe that's selfish. The "what's in it for me" mentality. I have the relationships I've made and the things I have learned over the past 2 months.

Another thing with this transition period is I'm scared the rug will be pulled from underneath and someone will yell "tricked ya!". I mean the team leader rang me and said he was offering me a position and he would get HR to send an offer of employment official letter soon, then there would be a call to arrange my start date and training and all those bits and pieces but it keeps going through my mind that we aren't past the "no turning back" stage yet. They still have an "out" and while it is totally unlikely anything could happen I'm still thinking about it. What if..

So I WANT to start the ball rolling with things I need to organise.. buying stuff for living by myself, making sure my car is absolutely ready for "regional life" and supplies (I bought spare fuses and a tool to change them in today), trying to get my phone contract cancelled (I anticipate I'm going to have to fight for my life with that one - bloody Telco companies), and then other bits and pieces I'm "unsure" of.. what the job's going to be like, what kind of overtime I would be expected to pull, if I can escape to the city on weekends without being "on call" for problems that might arise during the weekend, if the rental place they assign me will be nice (I want to bring pets, have a decent Internet connection, and have decent heating/cooling). And I want to be able to find out those "little known facts" on the place. You know, the stuff that isn't in guidebooks or on "touristy" websites.

Anyway I've been raving on for a while so I guess I should calm down and just go to sleep. :) Hopefully it will all turn out okay. :)

Procrastinating.. again :)

Figures that I'm only doing this blog to procrastinate doing something else. I'm supposed to be doing my presentation which is due tomorrow that I have done hardly anything towards. I mean, it's not that much work but just been avoiding it for weeks. I carefully planned it so I would have the interactive part of the workshop, so basically Instruction > Let the group work go for 10m and rinse and repeat, but still. I've been doing everything but. Even planned my outfit!

So there is massive confusion over when IT IS, though. It was originally scheduled for Wednesday which is a public holiday so a few weeks ago the lecturer said we would do it Tuesday (tomorrow). So we email him today reminding him to have the projector for the class at 9am and he says he has another class at the time (he said a few weeks ago he would swap with another lecturer) and mentioned "are you talking about Wednesday's class?". So I email him back saying Wednesday there IS no class, do you mean tomorrow (Tuesday) afternoon instead?? And no answer. Sooo...

Yeah. Anyway, better go do it. All I have to do is prepare 5 scenarios (like a paragraph each) and prepare some information handouts. And maybe practice, though I don't think it will do much good. Anyway.

Onto the weight thing. I'm struggling to keep to my calorie range. It has dropped 200 calories and that is killing me. When I reach my mini goals the app re-calculates what my range should be based on my new weight rather than my old weight, which is now 1400 calories. I'm still a big girl (obese, not "overweight"!) so I don't understand. Like 1200 calories is supposed to be the absolute minimum for anyone!

Maybe it's too little but I'm scared to raise it in case I'm wrong and put on weight. If I put on 1-2kgs while I figure it out that would take me at least 2-3 weeks of hard slog and possibly 3-6 weeks of plateau to get that 1-2kgs off again so I'm scared to do it.

I'm also having doubts about this new job. I got a call on Friday saying where did I want to go and it sounded so sure. And she said she would call back Monday to Tuesday... now I know it's only been Monday but I can't help but feel.. well, maybe they changed their minds. Maybe they found someone better. Maybe it will fall through and I'm getting excited for nothing. Today I wrote down a "to buy" list for living on my own (you know, the stuff households share but the first time you move out you need to buy - kitchen stuff, computer stuff like a printer, scanner, home phone, etc) and like my head is in that space. You know when you imagine something in your head and then that's all you can think about and believe. Ahhh! And if they DON'T call tomorrow, Wednesday is a public holiday!

Oh well. I'm writing too much to avoid doing my work so I better log off and do it.

See ya.

Apologies and The Future

Okay, firstly I really am sorry for not updating. And I know I said that last time and promised updates but every time I thought about it I felt bad that I didn't have a meaningful thing to say for my big update and just let it go, and rinse and repeat for like a month. I know I need to do this for my own sanity mostly and I really need to stick with it.

So firstly I'll let any poor souls reading this that I've done some "back logging" of entries from my entries on Spark blogging. I was undecided for a while whether to post the pictures but decided to. I want this to be anonymous so that my real life people wont see this, but I think the chance of them stumbling here and seeing the pictures and recognising them are so minute. Lets hope it doesn't backfire.

Today I had a big day in which I got a call asking me for my job location preferences so I'm 99.9% sure I've got my first full-time job and since then I've been thinking a lot. Just the thought of moving away from home and becoming an adult for real is something I'm excited about. I thought there would be major nerves but there isn't, not really. But it did get me thinking about things and I'm sitting here thinking about the person I was when I woke up this morning to the person I am now and I think the difference is huge.

Which solidifies my resolve to blog and reflect. This is all about me reflecting in a way that is accountable. Even though the views are minuscule and I have like 1 follower exactly, even the low chance people read this makes it more real. Gives me accountability and I think I need that.

Anyway it's nearly 1.30am and I'm working tomorrow so I really should sleep but I am determined to do this reflecting business on a regular basis. Maybe I should make that an official goal.

Goal:
Blog 3 times a week

Ah, see, I wrote it down! Makes it real!

Until next time.

News on the job front

So got some more good news on the job hunt front. I got a call from DCP (Department of Child Protection) today having an interim informal discussion about the role, what positions are available in what locations and where I would prefer to go. She said she would call me Monday/Tuesday to talk about the different bits and pieces before the letter offer and to start filling out the Working With Children Check paperwork (like a police clearance but a bit more thorough). It would take a huge bolt of lightning for me to not get some kind of position with them so really happy.

Now that I'm 99% sure I've got the job and will be moving I'm starting to worry about how I will go without a gym. My gym has really been a huge motivating factor, I just don't like exercising at home or outside so that may become a huge obstacle for me. They've got a mini "fitness centre" which has like 2 treadmills, 2 elliptical, 1 bike. Not sure I want to pay $70 a month for something that I'm pretty sure will be difficult to use because there isn't much equipment there and will probably be in use when I try to go!

A bit off topic, but was too scared to ask if I will be expected to do weekend work :) Even if I do have to I'll still take the work but after working casually in retail for 7 years I would like the weekends off! And I'm a huge fan of my city's sports team and have a membership with them so would like to go home every fortnight to catch some games. It's only a 2 hour drive to the city so I would think it will be possible to go to the majority of the games. Here's to hoping. :)

I'll let you guys know how the offer goes. They implied I would go to my number 2 choice of town but still hoping my number 1 choice (only an hours drive from my current house) opens up for me. :)

Mothers are lame

I wrote this whole spiel about my mother and how she's frustrating me but I think it makes me sound like a brat, lol. Basically I have limited funds to live on while I'm studying (hopefully I will get that full-time job soon) but in the meantime the "arrangement" for shopping is not working because she doesn't buy enough food. If I try to fix it (i.e. buy my own healthy stuff) she wont pay for it but she'll still eat it/use it and I really can't afford to be buying food that someone else is going to eat.

Anyway, so as I said there is not enough food. Literally.

  

So, first row you see Pepsi and alcohol (which I don't like anyway), dog food (yum), margarine, carrots, jelly, eggs. THATS IT. Tell me what I'm supposed to do with that. She complained that I haven't cooked for her all week and I don't think she quite understood why I laughed at her. Well. Um. Yeah.

 Mothers are lame.

New clothes today = Pre-BLC Week "Before" Shot!

So I've had a bit of motivation in the last 3 weeks, as I was just 6.6 lbs away from my goal at the end of the last BLC. So been working hard and now have lost 4.4 lbs in 3 weeks. Very happy about that. Just over 2 pounds until I reach my first major milestone. It may have to wait a while as I am on gym leave for a muscle strain and TOM.

But anyway, a little while ago I splurged with some online clothes shopping (first time to ever order clothes online) and it arrived today. Seeing as it's the Pre-Week of the BLC thought I would put it on and take a pic as my official "before" pic.


 
You may see in my gallery I have a picture from September 2009 which is the last photo I'm "proud" of, and what I want to get to. That's still 18 pounds away but the shot I took today was seriously the first time since then that I've thought "what a good picture". I am so glad I bought that dress and I can't wait until all the "bumps" smooth out, hopefully during this challenge!

Anyway, some off topic news: I got an email from the government agency I want to work for which is my dream job (and in the town I want to work in). It's what I wanted to do ever since I started my degree over 4 years ago. They emailed and said that they've "recommended" me for the position and just need to wait for my referees to come back. It's looking really good, apparently it's nearly just a formality. I'm THIS close to getting the job I thought I would never get. Very very happy. Just waiting for the official "offer letter" now and I'm pretty confident I will get it.

Easter Sunday... my undoing?

So this morning is Easter Sunday... the day of chocolate giving.. sigh. Want to know the worst part? I could eat 10 and it wouldn't eclipse my calories today.

So I live alone with my mum and we decided just to get 1 Easter (chocolate) gift each. So I bought her those pack of standard size eggs in a mini carton, only 4 :) She bought me a similar carton.. but with.. TWENTY! Oh my gosh. A few days ago I made a plan of how I'm going to deal with Easter. I'm not going to throw them out (I'm not that strong yet) but decided I will allow myself 1 egg (160 calories) on each day I do a workout. My every workout has a 500 calorie goal and so for the next 20 workouts (lol) I will burn 660.

This will take 5 weeks (another lol). *Sheepish grin*

Now onto what I'm actually worried about. I think I can limit the effect the chocolate has on me but what I don't have so much control over is Easter dinner. My family is Italian and there is 3 main sized dishes and you don't get to make your own portions. And you have to eat it all otherwise there will be screaming and crying. Like, no getting out of it :(

So last night I set my workout to really late, from 1am-3am and didn't get to sleep til about 4.30am. So I woke up at 2.30pm. Now I just had an 80 calorie yoghurt and a glass of milk for "breakfast" and as this big dinner starts at 5pm so basically I can see a whole days worth of food in this one meal (or 3 meals in one).

First up is a huge plate of Lasagne. I've never weighed it (that would be lol) but I can easily see it being 600 grams (1.3 pounds).
Next is a large crumbed lamb chop and salad.
Meal number 3 is prawns (shrimp).
And finally dessert (icecream, trifle, bad stuff etc)

The good news is dessert is take what you want so I am able to skip that. Prawns is not bad, dare I say even healthy. A lot of the huge meal is going to be fats and carbs so to get a bit of protein in there is a bit of a good thing.

If things go the way I want, my "breakfast" will be 152 calories and my "dinner (3 meals in one)" will be ~1110 calories. I mean that is huge, no mistake about it, but by not eating anything else (I really don't need to lol) I think I can limit the damage. And of course tonight I will be hitting the gym and aiming for 1000 calories burned.

Anyway, sorry for the long blog post but I had to write that down for me as I'm really worried. I hit my lowest weight ever when I woke up - 101.7 kgs (224.2lbs) and I really don't want to mess it up.