So my question today was what do I omit. It's a public blog, but sure, I'm more treating it like a journal, all warts and all. And I think I want to keep it that way. I want to be honest about what my thoughts are everyday, and unfortunately the "embarrassing" stuff is included. Not really embarrassing, but a socially shunned topic. Women just don't public talk about that time. You know what I'm talking about, right?
So I wake up and hit the scale. 105 kgs! Woo. So this is my lightest in about a year. I ballooned out to 112 start of November after being 104.2 in April last year. So close to being back there. It is a bit frustrating to think that I'm back where I started and I lost a year of work because of my laziness but I am determined to keep going and never quit. I have the right balance this time, the tools, the motivation.
And then TOM hit (without "supplies"! Ugh!) in the middle of the day. Fortunately I had some painkillers in the car so I wasn't in TOO much distress but my first day is always hell. I have the WORST time of it. Usually I go to sleep, wake up in a little bit off pain, take a tablet and go to sleep and by morning its not too bad and then I keep shooting down the tablets for about 24 hours then I'm fine. But it came from nowhere and hit me hard. I was in such pain, in such a bad mood, and couldn't stand studying or doing group work. My group actually noticed from the morning to the afternoon that my tolerance went from great to zip (they thought it was just usual sickness like a cold, though).
Even by night-time I was feeling so bad. After playing LOTRO with my friends which we do every Friday I knew it was my designated "gym time" but I just did not want to go. The only thing that convinced me was that they say exercise endorphins are a painkiller. And I knew I would feel better afterwards. So I went to the gym with my trusty iPhone, with 3 episodes to watch (Survivor, Grey's Anatomy and Person of Interest) and stuck into it for 2.5 hours. Only done that once before and I burned WAY more calories last time. Like I've said this week, I feel pretty lethargic at the gym. I mean it's better than not going at all. 950 calories burned is great for my health and a great achievement, but I need to figure out which buttons to press so I can achieve my best. I used to push ~9 calories a minute when I first went to the gym and now its about ~6. So that's 3 calories, so what, you say? Well, 180 an hour and 450 calories over my whole workout which is pretty massive. I need to push harder.
And while I did feel better during and straight after my workout, soon after I've gotten home its all gone. I don't feel worse than earlier today but still feel pretty lousy. Usually my first TOM day is hell and then when I wake up the next day I'm fine. I really hope that's the case. And I know not to get too emotionally charged by what the scale will say tomorrow as I will be bloated and also retain fluids but I know I will. After a massive morning in which I realised I have lost 5 kgs in 6 weeks I was really happy. I imagine its going to be 1.5kgs up from there and that's disheartening. Though sometimes when I come off TOM I drop something massive like 2 kgs (plus all my TOM weight). Lets hope for that.
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