Goodbye BLC 13!

So the BLC 13 has ended and I am so sad to see it go! I had so many weeks where the scale didn't move and I didn't meet my goal either. Nothing to get down about, though! So first thing I did was read my "Letter to my future self (9 Jan)". I asked myself a few questions so here are the answers.
 Did you make some new friends? Yes. But the relationships faded towards the end as everyone stopped posting :(
 Was it worth the hard work? Yes and no. I really don't think the results matched the slog I was put though.
That leads into my final question: Are you happy with the results? Yes and no.

So 8 kgs (15 lb) is a massive achievement and you would be crazy to say no. But firstly I really wanted to get out of the 100's (in kilos) and secondly I wanted to maintain 1kg (2.2lbs) loss average a week. I lost on both counts, unfortunately. After 12 weeks I wanted to lose 12 kgs (26 lbs) or get to 99.9kgs (22lbs).

 Now I want to get to the WHY: I mistakenly was doing weights/resistance that were too low (about half of what I should have been doing) For about 3 weeks I completely lost my motivation and either maintained or gained weight because of both no gym and eating too much The quality of my food was poor at times So now to turn it into a positive.

The BLC 14 starts later this month which I have signed up for. BEFORE the challenge I will:
 - Do my proper weights regime (i.e. 75% of my maximum capacity at each machine)
 - Cut out a lot of bad carbs and try to incorporate good carbs. I want to half the bread I eat and eliminate "takeaway" foods.
 - Easter is coming and I am getting chocolate. I am not going to eat any of it except on a workout day. And on a workout day I am limiting to 1 egg. If you want chocolate, you have to put the time in!
 - Eat 1 more vegetable a day than you normally would

 I'm hoping by Week 1 of the new challenge I will have met my goal. I'm really gonna kick ass this time! Particularly with running, I've tried running twice now and it got me insanely sweaty and pumped.

 And to reflect, here is the old me and the new me:

Back again

So yesterday was my day back blogging in a while and I'm determined to get in a rhythm of regular updates, so I’m back!

So today was another gym day. Yesterday I went as well and did my cardio and strength training. And today, for the first time ever, I was sore from strength training. When I get sore it’s usually from cardio, sore legs from running or cycling too much. I was a it disappointed I had to rest and give up today’s strength circuit I had planned but I did LOTS of cardio. In fact I matched my best session ever. 2.5 hours and 1200 calories!

And what I am pleased about is my calorie rate has improved from the last few weeks. Usually I sit about 6 calories per minute but today it worked out to be 8. I think it’s from the 40 minute treadmill section. I had it pretty steep and was about +20 beats per minute higher than when I bike steadily. And it was a lot less of a strain too, seeing as I have to bike with high resistance to get my heart rate up at all. But I still spent a lot of time on the bike.

I did 20 kilometres! I’ve never looked at the distance screen, just the rotations per minute and my BPM so I was quite surprised. I managed it at 13.3 km per hour, which I found out from a trusty iPhone app. I think I’ll use it every session to map my progress. I think if I have something to beat it will motivate me to improve.

Anyway, I’m pretty motivated at the moment. I’m 100 grams off my lightest since early 2010. It’s a bit of a mini goal even though my main goal is to get under 100kgs. But the fact that the scale is moving downwards has me in a really motivated mood. I’ve been hovering on 105kgs for a few weeks. I’m confident by tomorrow I’ll have at least lost my 100g (from what I weighed in this morning, not now).

Anyway I think I better get my eggs off the stove so I don’t burn the kitchen down like last time. Adios!

I'm back!

So sorry that I havent written. For days and days I've been thinking about writing but avoiding it because I though "I don't have anything meaningful to write". Well I decided that doesn't matter! Otherwise I may never write.

So what's happened? Well I've had a plateu and then my weight loss has picked up. I weighed in at 104.5kgs at about 11pm tonight and I usually vary about 1kg at night from morning when I do all my weigh ins. I was very happy. It even motivated me to go to the gym and had a good session there. I've loaded all my footy panel shows on my phone and so will watch them in the gym. Have also been re-reading the Hunger Games series, wich has been fun. I'm now enjoying doing weights now. I used to love cardio and just tolerate the weights but I really do like it now.

TAFE has been going okay too. Frustrating at times in the group and I haven't had motivation to do work early. They don't really have a lot of work involved and hefty deadlines like Uni. It's a bit cruisy, but still, all my assesments so far I have passed. The group work can be random though. Today my members had a massive fight and one stormed off, so the other left to go home and then the first one to storm off came back and wanted to know where the other was. Sigh.

Anyway, that drama totally exhausted me and then as I was leaving I looked at my phone and saw the weird call button on it. I didn't know if I had tapped to call someone or what as if I got a call I would have thought I would hear it. So I answered it and it was DCP! They want to interview me for the country position. I forgot to ask which job it was as I applied for a few. Anyway, it's next Monday at 10. She said it may last until 11.15 and so I reorganised work to delay til 12. But I'm a bit worried I wont be able to get from the city to my work in time. It's at least a 30m drive. Hopefully I wont be late. :(

Though if the interview gets me a job, it wont matter, I spose! Though it is a wonder if I can finish my units for the semester before I take the job. Would hate to lose my 6 weeks of work. Though it's a 12 week course, the interview will be Week 7, they took 3 weeks to let me know last time. So that puts me in Week 10 I would get to know. And if I have to move to the country I'm sure they would give me 2 weeks leeway. Hopefully :)

Anyway that's about it for now. I'm hoping I'll get the job! And I'm re-energised by my weight loss number. :)

Good night!

Craaazy day

Oh, I nearly forgot to blog today. It's been crazy lately, after Lana (my lamb) dying last night everything seems to be happening at once. This weekend I'm going down to see my Grandmother who is very sick. Dad says she hardly opens her eyes anymore and isn't alert to whats going on around her. It's so sad. Sometimes I think medicine has gotten to the point where people are living too long, beyond what the human body is capable of. I've also had lots of little things to do for TAFE, like analysing our questionnaires and also doing policy research. I wasn't able to research, so simply did some reading and printed out stuff I thought was important to talk to my group about. We still have ours Needs Assessment to do by Friday and haven't started the document. And as I know, group work takes a while to put things together.

On the weight loss front things are pretty stagnant. I weighed in at 105.4kgs at last weigh in and got to 105kgs earlier in the week before TOM hit. Now I'm ranging between 106-106.5kgs. I'm not sure if its the last remnants of my TOM bloating that will clear up soon or if in fact my eating hasn't been as strict as I've needed. That wouldn't surprise me, had a huge meal on Saturday for Mum's birthday, big sugary slice and smoothie for lunch yesterday and had Subway today and have been snacking during the week. I certainly haven't been doing too badly, most days I've kept in my range its just a matter of the quality of foods. I need to go to the gym more, even if I have an early start the next day. As long as its not too late, I could do it in the 7.30pm-9pm range.

Work was simply exhausting. Maybe its because the place was dead, but I really hated it today. And when I got home my feet felt like collapsing. Dad came over to change my break pads and I had to hold things for him for the brake fluid to go into etc, crouching down and it really hurt. I wish I would lose this weight so my poor knees and ankles weren't under so much pressure.

Anyway I got to get to sleep. Not long before I have to wake up for my early class and I'm sure I'll be in a horrible mood for lack of sleep. I'm already making excuses about skipping it. :)

The lamb

I've never had an experience where I've had to watch an animal die a slow death. We've had a lot of animals, and nearly as many deaths but all but 2 we found.. just gone. One was Basil, my cat, who we put down because he was very ill and in pain. The second was our first dog Keema who I didn't see as sick because my parents were there when he had to be taken to the vet. About 2 or 3 weeks ago our sheep Blair died. She went "missing" - we couldn't find her because she'd escaped and later found her just on the other side of the fence - she had died. It was very upsetting and I did cry. The first time I've cried because of losing a sheep. It was so sad because she had a 3-4 month old lamb. Her name is Lana.

Lana has been looking worse for wear as the time has gone on. She got all sores on her ears, mouth and face and patches of her body where the fur was all gone and you could see what looked like big "scabs". Under her neck the fur had all disappeared and that was exactly like what happened to Blair. This morning she had her head stuck in a fence and was just sitting there. So as I approached I thought she would bolt or at least struggle but she was extremely subdued. Once I got her head out the fence she didn't get up and move away. So I nudged her a bit but she still just laid there. Then I realised how close to the end we were. So I picked her up and put her on her feet. She wobbled away which looked horrible enough, like someone who has lost their footing or is going down a hill and has lost control of their speed. And then she was going literally sideways. If you've seen much of a sheep you would know that is NOT how they move. It was heartbreaking to see it. Where she fell she stayed. It was in the sun so I picked her up and put her in the shade.

Her head leaned back on the fence at an odd angle. I tried to get her to move in a more comfy position, but her head just lolled there. At this time I definitely knew it was a matter of time. Mum and I had organised to go grocery shopping today so after trying to get water into her we went and didn't expect her to live by the time we got back.

When we got back she was still laying down but instead of her head back it was up and looking around. That put a smile to my face. She had moved from where we put her. So I went over to the bowl I had put her water in and it was all gone! I went over to her and she was eating grass. I thought maybe she was getting better! It was kind of silly after everything I had seen, and obviously she was diseased and dying of the same disease her mother died of but I was happy for a while. But I went back out a few hours later and she was laying down on her side head on the ground.

I thought she was dead but when I got closer saw she was still breathing, very very weakly. I sat with her a while and patted her. She seemed to like to have someone with her. I had to get dinner ready so I went inside. It was dark soon after so I haven't been out since.

It's been really had during the day to see an animal dying slowly. I usually find animals that have died the next day who perished quickly or peacefully in their sleep. She is going slowly but not really painfully - she hasn't bleated once. Like when an animal has accepted its the end and just waiting for it but it is really sad. I'm crying again and can hardly see the keyboard. It's hard to think about what's out there right now. Has she died or is she still laying there, waiting for the end? Does she wish we would just end it for her? Am I heartless for not being with her as she suffers?

Lana

4 November 2011 - 26 February 2012

R.I.P

Yay for motivation

So I totally kicked ass today!

Not really. Actually I'm not sure if I did more harm than good. For Mum's birthday today we went to dinner and ate way too much. We started off with garlic bread - that yummy fancy restaurant kind - total mistake. Not that it didn't taste good or the calories were off the charts (maybe a little) but we couldn't really fit the main meal in which was a shame!

So I had battered squid rings and steamed vegetables. Well, at least I chose veggies instead of chips as the side. The veggies tasted pretty nice and I loved the sauce. But I'm sure the sauce was very fattening. And the squid rings had batter on them, so that's a big no-no. Then I had a pineapple juice vodka and a fruit tingle which tasted awful. Too much lemonade. Mum hates things going to waste so she drank it in one go and her face was priceless! :)

So the reason I kicked butt was that today as my gym day and it has been the only day since I joined where I was dragging ass about going. I really really did not want to go. I was tired and just wanted to sleep. I even Googled "working out while sleepy" to give me a way out - (because the Interwebs said so!) and only got bodybuilder forums lol. Anyway was pretty proud that I got off my ass and did it. I posted on SparkPeople earlier that I was going to stay there for as long as it took to get 700 calories and that was a good move because I wanted to quit at 350. But I kept at it, just because I committed to it online. Not that anyone would know, but it just shows this online communication thing works as good motivation. I was a bit sluggish as I've mentioned the last few days but the important thing is that I stuck with it and did it.

I had an out-loud argument with myself on the way home. After workouts I am so famished I have to have something and usually I have 2-3 eggs. I was reasoning with myself that I was so bad nutrition wise today I don't need that 170 calories. But its good, it has some nice protein and I was way under for the day. Eggs are my post-workout food! They are actually cooking right now and I have to get them off the stove so... see ya!

It's that time..

So my question today was what do I omit. It's a public blog, but sure, I'm more treating it like a journal, all warts and all. And I think I want to keep it that way. I want to be honest about what my thoughts are everyday, and unfortunately the "embarrassing" stuff is included. Not really embarrassing, but a socially shunned topic. Women just don't public talk about that time. You know what I'm talking about, right?

So I wake up and hit the scale. 105 kgs! Woo. So this is my lightest in about a year. I ballooned out to 112 start of November after being 104.2 in April last year. So close to being back there. It is a bit frustrating to think that I'm back where I started and I lost a year of work because of my laziness but I am determined to keep going and never quit. I have the right balance this time, the tools, the motivation.

And then TOM hit (without "supplies"! Ugh!) in the middle of the day. Fortunately I had some painkillers in the car so I wasn't in TOO much distress but my first day is always hell. I have the WORST time of it. Usually I go to sleep, wake up in a little bit off pain, take a tablet and go to sleep and by morning its not too bad and then I keep shooting down the tablets for about 24 hours then I'm fine. But it came from nowhere and hit me hard. I was in such pain, in such a bad mood, and couldn't stand studying or doing group work. My group actually noticed from the morning to the afternoon that my tolerance went from great to zip (they thought it was just usual sickness like a cold, though).

Even by night-time I was feeling so bad. After playing LOTRO with my friends which we do every Friday I knew it was my designated "gym time" but I just did not want to go. The only thing that convinced me was that they say exercise endorphins are a painkiller. And I knew I would feel better afterwards. So I went to the gym with my trusty iPhone, with 3 episodes to watch (Survivor, Grey's Anatomy and Person of Interest) and stuck into it for 2.5 hours. Only done that once before and I burned WAY more calories last time. Like I've said this week, I feel pretty lethargic at the gym. I mean it's better than not going at all. 950 calories burned is great for my health and a great achievement, but I need to figure out which buttons to press so I can achieve my best. I used to push ~9 calories a minute when I first went to the gym and now its about ~6. So that's 3 calories, so what, you say? Well, 180 an hour and 450 calories over my whole workout which is pretty massive. I need to push harder.

And while I did feel better during and straight after my workout, soon after I've gotten home its all gone. I don't feel worse than earlier today but still feel pretty lousy. Usually my first TOM day is hell and then when I wake up the next day I'm fine. I really hope that's the case. And I know not to get too emotionally charged by what the scale will say tomorrow as I will be bloated and also retain fluids but I know I will. After a massive morning in which I realised I have lost 5 kgs in 6 weeks I was really happy. I imagine its going to be 1.5kgs up from there and that's disheartening. Though sometimes when I come off TOM I drop something massive like 2 kgs (plus all my TOM weight). Lets hope for that.